The Lost Generation Crossover

I've read articles that have begun calling my generation, a lost generation. We are not the first to be trapped by the status of an ailing economy, and we will not be the last. Not because the world will always ruin your day and screw you over, but because that is the flow of life--good and bad take place. Sometimes you win and other times you lose. Because it isn't fair, by rule.

As I sit in my classroom, talking about cultural notions, myths, and theories, there is nothing but the moment of discussion. Speculation, thinking out loud. It's rather easy to talk out your ass, but some do submit worthy topics and ideas. Once I get home the typical conversation of "how was your day? How was class tonight?" comes. From time to time my dad asks me what I want to do after gradation. My answer is always the same--like many other students,. Frankly I have no idea. Hope for fulfilling employment. Somewhere nice with good pay, enough to move out and begin true adult life away from home. Simple wishes really. But my own outlook on this becoming a reality is bleaker than it used to be. Maybe it's the times, or what is called a life crisis. Or maybe I aim to be like an audience member going into the film with low expectations, if I think it'll be terrible then it may pleasantly surprise me. Who knows. He asks what others are thinking of doing for jobs after they finish school as well. That's slightly easier to answer because being a major within the humanities and social sciences does give the option of credential programs and future teaching. Though I do mention that most of us don't actually want to teach. Teachers should have a passion for their job, with a will to inspire the stubborn student. I wouldn't want to teach on the basic reason of being in charge of other peoples' children--parents are nuts. If I were to follow the path of the credential program, I'd want to teach at the university level. Here there is the ability to talk as adults, each student responsible, no parents to deal with. Now I've gotten off my topic, as usual.

I intended to simply post this excerpt from a Depression era book observing the time's youth culture to point out the similar environment facing our young people today. Perhaps you won't see the similarities, or you will. Either way I will have gotten you thinking about the future. We all want the same things: success, security, enjoyment. That never changes.

"As naturally as their voices broke and depended, our young men grew up in the assurance that education and hard work were the Open Sesame to respectable jobs secured by reliability and perseverance, to homes of their own, and to honored places in the eyes of their fellow-men. In the past few years many of them who are out of school today have no work, through no fault of their own.
Many others are engaged on slim part-time jobs so trifling in the time they fill and the money they produce as to have little or no meaning to the young workmen.
Bleakly our youth has been marking time while the clock ticks away its bright years, the good years of plowing and sowing and sweating. They are runners, delayed at the gun. They have lost so much time at the start that only the exceptional can challenge the finish. (4)
…..They have seen people who wanted to work--and could not--and people who did not want to work--and would not--living on the same level of government bounty" (5)"
--- Maxine Davis, The Lost Generation

Any of it sound familiar? There are generally three options when faced with class consciousness. Keep telling everyone that it'll get better, redefine success, or violent revolution. I would hope that if there is a revolution that it won't be violent. But at this stage in our country's troubles, something has to happen. Occupy Wallstreet, Tea Party groups, recession, wars....there's a lot going on. Nobody knows the future--but we do make the future, one decision at a time. And for godsakes people, if you can't afford something do not buy/lease it. We all need to stay within our means, and that goes for the country itself. Be accountable. Alright, signing off. Have a lovely evening.

World War Z

Just received my order from Amazon and I'm excited. Apparently it's organized into entries from different people, therefore an oral history as the title suggests. I've yet to read a zombie book so this should be interesting!
Also, I just finished Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. It was a good mix of history and fantasy, with an awesome ending twist :)
Both of these are currently in the process of becoming feature films. Tim Burton is directing the Lincoln film; and apparently Brad Pitt is signed onto World War Z as a main character.

08/07/2011

This is a draft that was never published following Rocksie's death. I can still read it now and feel the sadness that had weighed on me. I felt so guilty for not saying goodbye, but there was no way of knowing that there would be an accident. It was the first day of our family vacation at the lake when we got the call. She took a fall on the stairs and had to be put down at the emergency vet clinic by some friends. This was the only time in my entire life that I've seen my dad cry. He was the one who came to tell me she was gone. Coming home and walking back into the house was misery.

She was almost 13 years old and had a good life. We couldn't make her stay with us and hurt still. I like to think of her now as my angel puppy. I see her in the expressions of our new dogs, Olive and Oakley. But they're so differentfrom her. Dogs are really just furry children, each with their own personality.

Courtney

08/22/2013

****************

She's been gone for a week and it feels like forever. Given, we were on vacation at the time of her passing so I never had to see her in any pain. But the fall on the stairs was likely painful since it was the final straw for those poor wobbly back legs. Surgery wasn't an option, especially with no guarentee of her walking on her own again. I don't think she'd be happy if she couldn't scamper around n play like always.

Onto Book #9!

I've just finished book #8 in the Southern Vampire Mystery Series, aka the "True Blood" books. So far each book has been strong and I'm hoping to feel the same about Dead And Gone (book #9). Rather not say much about what's going on plot-wise or give away any spoilers. But if you like the HBO show and like to read, I'm sure you'll enjoy the books. Of course you must remember that television shows are commonly altered versions of whatever literature they've been "based on". So don't get pissed when the two aren't exactly the same.
As of right now, I'm about a third of the way through Dead And Gone. I like it better than the previous already, probably because there's more Eric. By the way, if you're a Bill fan...sucks for you. It seems like Bill is becoming a less important character since no longer being romantically involved with Sookie. Perhaps you can blame it on the fact that it's from her point of view? Anyways...
Once next week hits, I should be done with this one and onto the next (Dead in the Family). So hopefully if time permits I can pick up a few books for vacation! Hooray vacation!
Has anyone heard about any light/fun books for me to bring along? Oh god, what will I read once I finish this series? Oh right, school will be in session by then and it'll all be lecture related---booo.

Kids and Social Sites

You log onto your social networking site to check for comments or other notifications. All clear for now except a slew of "likes" on a status. But you see that rare little pop up notification, "new friend request!" A bit excited you click to see who wants to hop on the friendmobile with you. The picture appears to be some random 7-11 year old with sunglasses on. To be fair you check out their full page to be sure. Yep, they're 9 years old and wants to be your friend. I've had this happen on MySpace, Facebook, etc. Not only is it creepy but it makes you wonder how this child got onto the site in the first place.

My first issue with kids on the internet is not the obvious go-to that a parent might pull out like, "there's pedophiles online!" Because that's true and if you were a good parent, you'd simply teach your kids not to talk to strangers whether it's in real life or online.

Reason number one: My big issue with these random kids trying to be cool and friend a million unknown people is that honestly, it's against the rules. There are age restrictions on many sites like Facebook, for example is 13 & up. I'd recommend staying off Facebook until the age of 16 just because of the ridiculous drama and hormonal rollercoaster that affects everyone from age 11 to 16.

Personally, I grew up in what I see as the last generation of playing outside and calling your friends' home phones. I had no internet til I was in 9th grade, then it was so slow that the only thing to do was use AOL Instant Messenger. I clearly remember the advent of cellphones for all, i.e. everyone and their mother wanted a Motorolla Razor. No one in my family had a cellphone until about...2006. I got my first cellphone during my junior year of high school, it only made calls (gasp!). So I've made my point with that one....technology plus children, not the best idea til they have emotional control over themselves. It'll save them and their parents a lot of trouble.

Reason number 2: go outside and play with your friends, you'll miss it when you're older. As I get older I come across things that make me stop and think. "Why did we all want to grow up so fast? Seriously?" The simple life of calling your friend's house and walking over is likely dead but I think kids today can retain the little bit that's left. Avoid living on the internet, it's so easy to get caught up in posting what you're doing and taking pictures FOR your page. I mean come on, really? You're destroying your self-worth in the end by making it based on what others see on your page. You're a person, not a webpage. Having your "friends" post on your page does give you a little dose of happiness from the interaction but unfortunately you shouldn't rely on it. Logging on to find out that gossip was spread about you and "everybody" hates you, or even some kid discovered how to photoshop your picture inappropriately (typically dick drawings or fat jokes). The possibilities are endless online.

Overall, finding out you've been friend requested by a child makes you feel like a pedophile even though you fancy people your own age. Do kids under the age of 16 NEED a page? No, it's strictly optional for all of us. Hell, do we even need a page? No, but it makes life easier for keeping up with old friends and planning get togethers--or Facebook stalking. The internet has it's good and it's bad. There's photo sharing with relatives but there's viruses, there's fun games to play but there's also creepers. It's ultimately up to the person in charge of the computer, that should be the parent.

Complaints Against Me

Tonight there were 2 complaints made. Here are what I've come up with as my possible factors or reasons.

"You never want to do anything"
1. When I try to plan something, nobody has money for it or they have work (broke college students)
2. When I plan things, nobody shows up (ex- my 20th birthday everyone bailed)
3. Severely different music tastes for concerts (ex- Tom Petty)
4. Money. Fun costs money most of the time
5. I don't want to play WoW
6. Heavy drinking is not on my fun list (puke)
7. Talking n sitting doesn't count as fun for most people anymore for some reason.

"You've been so irritated lately"?
1. Hot, sweaty, disgusting weather
2. Being ignored often
3. Lack of time with friends
4. Losing my ring at work
5. Suddenly having to pay $300 for car registration after having my hours cut
6. The downstairs of my house is still under construction aka annoying
7. Paranoid about my dog not being able to walk.

If there are any other complaints, please tweet them to me.

Unfortunate Fools

There's always a sad story once in awhile about some poor kid who dies of a drug overdose at a party or a big event. Of course it happened to a 15 year old last year at the Electric Daisy Carnival and the company (Insomniac) ended up having to go through all sorts of problems with the Los Angeles police, etc. Basically they moved this year's EDC out to Vegas. An obvious choice for a massive three day carnival/ electronic music festival.

I went to EDC in 2008 before it grew into a multi-day massive and had the time of my life. Granted, everyone around me was 'rolling' (E), on mushrooms, or 'candy flipping' (both). I was completely aware of this by the size of their puils, nonetheless everyone was happy and friendly. There wasn't a single random person that couldn't appreciate a smile and a hug. Well, except the kid on acid who was scared by our friend making dolphin noises....

Massives are by definition, massive. Literally. The 2008 EDC that I attended had about 70,000 participants. This led to horrible cellphone reception and delay, as well as crowding. If you had AT&T your call wouldn't go through and text messages took an average of five minutes to receive. This made meeting up with friends difficult.

Now back to my starting point--the kids who overdose. It's very easy for someone on drugs with little experience to end up in a bad place. All it takes is one person to take the wrong pill, or too many. Some dealers actually sell laced pills or fake pills to unsuspecting teenagers. This happens because dealers like money and teenagers tend to be stupid. Simple equation there. I've heard stories of people getting meth-laced pills, and it wasn't a happy story though no one died. Not having enough water or drinking too much water can also cause complications.

All this combined into one situation for a 'rolling' teenager can be difficult to sort through. Losing track of your friends, getting lost, losing your phone or money. Honestly I don't understand how anyone goes into an event with +70,000 other people and thinks, "yea I can do this." I know a bunch of people who did it somehow, but my cautious personality doesn't allow me to go there. I stayed on the safe side and always went sober.

EDC was my first rave, and my favorite. You could feel the vibes of expressive freedom and though it sounds super cheesy, love. At that time there were still people going (most on drugs) to experience the music and have a good time. As my rave days progressed I saw this slipping away and gradually it wasn't fun anymore. More douchebags looking for a high, more young girls dressing up like Rainbow Brite hookers. My last trip to a massive ended with friends taking bad pills and getting sick while I limped around with bloody knees in the cold 3am temperatures of January. I had seen better days, for sure. Those on drugs percieved me as a downer or a party pooper, not realizing that I'd been hurt thanks to a security gaurd running into me as he chased someone. In fact, the scars are still visible on my feet from skidding across pavement---not cute.

What's my point? It's not the event coordinators or companies that are to blame for such problems and deaths of anyone in attendence. They provide a venue to enjoy music, go on rides, and have fun. There is also generous security at the gates that pats you down worse than any airport security member would. "Shake out your bra please....we have to check your pants, thank you." Everything is done correctly, but the problem is the consumer. Many are just fools who don't stop to think. Those that manage to get in with intent to sell or consume E, mushrooms, acid, etc. It happens because people do what people do, whether they're responsible human beings or not.

If you die from it, it's your fault. I won't feel bad or pity someone who chose to partake. I just read about a similar case this year at the EDC taking place in Texas. There were so many calls for health emergencies that they were forced to shut down the whole place. It is an individual's responsibility to be aware of and chose to put something into their own body. Food or drugs, it's a choice. Apparently most the people attending weren't thinking or readily prepared.

Reminds me of the teenager who drowned in Lake Mission Viejo a few years ago. He was on acid and apparently he and his friends failed to think about being around the water. Some said, "poor guy, he was such a great guy" I'm sorry but a 'great guy' isn't fool enough to take a bunch of illegal substances to the point of incoherence.

All in all, I enjoyed the good times throughout 2008-2009 before giving up on the deteriorating rave environment. Maybe I'm just lucky enough to be able to live without needing any substances to enjoy life. i'd say I'm proof that none of those people needed to take pills to have a good time. It was their choice, a foolish one for many.

Summer Reading

Now that the semester is over and all I have to do is go to work, I find that my calendar is looking a bit sad. Going to the gym and watching movies only takes up so much time. Hence, I called the 800 number on the back of my Barnes & Noble gift card that's been in my wallet for likely the past two years. Forty bucks, awesome!

So tonight after dinner I headed over to Barnes & Noble at the Spectrum to hopefully find something interesting. Entertainment value was key, and after reading for classes all spring the last thing I wanted to buy was another history book!

It took awhile after wandering through the sections mocking the silly titles and cover art with my brother, Colin, and Sophia--but I picked one. Being that I'm a True Blood fan, I decided on the written source itself: 'Dead Until Dark' by Charlaine Harris. Plus I got a new bookmark! Hoping its a page turner to take up some time over summer! Feedback &/or review later.

Fools Rush In

Apparently the requirement of thoroughly knowing your partner before getting married is too time consuming for a lot of people. If you haven't had the time to interact, react, &/or adjust to your partner's habits and mannerisms....then man, you're screwed. Basically don't get married until you've been together for a year minimum. I said minimum!

Honestly, any amount of time less and your friends will ask themselves 2 things. "Is _________ in the military?" or "Is she pregnant?" Both are speculations that come up. Sorry but people generally ask "why?" when you do things suddenly in order to understand your logic or lack there of. What could be so terrible about waiting a bit longer before puttin' a ring on it? God forbid you find out that they do annoying things and aren't always a ball of sunshiny happiness. Emotions exhibit, therefore you should know all of them. Plus living at home awhile longer won't kill you.

If you haven't already addressed basic components and questions, then you shouldn't be getting married. Period. I glanced through this book for a laugh. Sex, work, gender roles, children, friends, money, etc. Oh and definitely do not get married because you're religious and want to have sex. That's a terrible decision.

By the way, your boyfriend/girlfriend/fiancée has all the same bodily functions that you possess. Just a human-to-human tip for ya.

Well, that's all folks. I wish you all good decision making skills and happiness!

Home Improvement

For some reason anytime we start working on the TV room, Rocksie proceeds to get up on the couch n shake like we're in a thunderstorm. When we first started on the room in...December, she shredded her Christmas present toy. Seems to be that any sort of home improvement or decorating makes the dog freak out. Silly doggie, we're trying to make the house better!
Until we finish the TV room project, I guess she'll just continue to get up on the couch n panic. To higher ground!

Hair Commercials

There's all these hair removal products on the market and some of them probably don't even work. Like Smooth Away pads, I felt great for a day after basically sandpapering myself. Nair burns like a bitch or your hair grows back funky.
Then I think, is it really so difficult to just shave your legs? Nope, it's not.

Finally Leaving

The idea of leaving Blockbuster for a new job was so exciting, and it essentially still is. But I've been here a year and a half, naturally you become friends with your long-term coworkers. This is the part that makes me sad.
Dan, Greg, n Naim. I'm gunna miss them a lot. Hopefully my new coworkers will be as awesome and all as different in personality as they have been.
No more closing Monday nights with Dan blasting  Radiohead n discussing politics. No more reminding Naim of when our school winter n spring breaks are. No more weird ass customers with Greg. No more talking about animated movies with Nick.
Weird. Change is exciting and I'm ready for it but I'm sad to lose the time with the friends I made.

Birthers

If the President was a white man just like the previous ones, then nobody would be asking for his birth certificate. Fact.
Racism still exists, also a fact.
Get off your high horse with your pointing fingers and vote Obama out of office during the next election if you're so upset. That's what elections are for after all.
Assholes.

12th Birthday

I had quite a moment earlier today. Evan n me were about to take the dog on a walk. I stood by the sink, making a sandwich before leaving. He suggested that we not go all the way to the park. I felt myself turn red and my face scrunch up. My stomach sank into my feet. It's rare that I ever lose myself to my emotions. I burst into tears in fear of losing my dog. She turns 12 years old this year, and despite her always being a good happy dog....she is getting old.
I can't imagine her not being around. I can't imagine being able to ever replace her, but no one and no being lives forever. In another dimension I hope that there's pets that live as long as their masters. Because we don't get to have that luxury but I think someone out there should for the rest of our sakes.
Hip displasia, arthritis, allergies. Pills and peanut butter twice a day. Sometimes she stumbles or needs help to get her back legs up the steps. It endlessly worries me. My eyes water just thinking about it. Doggie is my sibling, my baby, my friend. How could anyone live without that companion? It's just so difficult to watch someone you love get old, human or furry friend. I pray I can continue to have a few more years :)
--Courtney

Gym Equipment

I had a thought earlier at the gym today. Not necessarily regarding anything fitness or sport related, but one of the individual. What do people think about when they're trapped on the treadmill/elliptical/etc? Maybe they run off to LaLa Land for distraction or simply watch the tv in front of them. The iPod music only distracts you for so long before it just becomes a beat to pace yourself to. It's always strange how my mind wanders in order to cope with working out. It can go anywhere from "just concentrate on the picture on the wall" to "pretend you're in a race with all these other people."
I hate the urge to look over at other people. It makes me feel awkward when others do it to me. Almost like asking someone how they did on their test really. This spawns the need to compare yourself to them.....perhaps I could say that we all have moments of reverting to selfish childhood here.
Comparing, imagioning, wandering. We're all in the same place but not talking to each other and avoiding eye contact. Looking someone in the eye is too personal here, not sure why. Probably because you're sweaty and don't want the attention drawn to how your shirt looks wet or your makeup has run just enough to make you look exhausted.
I could imagine that depending on the gym-goer, their thoughts may wander in different directions than mine. The musclehead guy, the OC housewife prancing around, the heavy guy working his ass off, tiny asian woman, etc. All could have drastically different scenarios playing out as they work out.
Add needing to wear glasses into this equation and it becomes stranger. I don't work out with them on so my vision becomes a pitfall. At times I end up trying to figure out what the closed captioning on the big tv's are saying. That's a doomed battle for me haha. Reading the other guy's shirt is hard enough! The worst is recognizing people at the gym--or them recognizing me rather. I can't see the detail of someone's face til they're 4 feet away.
Anyways, it's been a long day. Goodnight.

Creds

No, not like 'street cred'---credentials. I've toyed with the idea of getting teaching credentials. It's difficult to narrow down my future job to anything specific. Yes, I enjoy my major right now n its academically satisfying. Learning things of my interest is easier to write about, discuss, etc. I'd love to get a job that uses it but I'm not sure what to do with it.
Should I decide to go after teaching credentials? I still haven't nailed that one down yet. It's an ok option but I do take issue with a few aspects of the teaching profession. For one, it'd require more time and money invested in school. The pay would't be 'good' til I were to reach the university level, unless I were to work at a private school and publish from time to time. Especially now it's a hard to imagine becoming a teacher with the economic climate and the shape of our edecational system.
If life were easy, there would be an easy answer for 'what do you want to do after college?'
---Courtney

Yelling into the Void

At times you can feel like your voice doesn't go very far. You can post on your Facebook page or tweet via Twitter. Into an abyss of words, pictures, etc. It seems to be such a mess to sort through. Then once you get a response or two, you feel you're not alone in a belief or conversation. A feeling of satisfaction sets in. But once it becomes a wave of 200 people, it's a little overwhelming.
I'd never experienced that until tonight when I casualy checked my Twitter app on my phone. And whatta ya know! There's people reposting my super lame pun of all things. I somehow gained 200 new followers and had my joke 'retweeted' about 500 times, making it a "Top Tweet".
I pat myself on the back for a second and then move on...because I know it's not of importance in the real world. Today was a good day, and hopefully your day was just as good.
---Courtney

Establishing 'Thoughts via Cell' posts

Sometimes I want to tweet a complete thought but find that having only 140 characters of room to be insufficient to even spell out the words correctly. And so, I've downloaded the Blogger application for my phone. Hopefully this will lead me to post more frequently as to no have my thoughts build up; whether of frustration or happiness. You know how it can be--you come across something or hear a person say something that just sets off a chain reaction inside. Let's see then. I aim to post at least weekly.
First off, I just started reading "Always On" for my American Studies 101 class even though the reading hasn't been assigned to be completed for another 2 weeks. The topic of digital communication is one of interest to me. I'm fascinated by how some have applauded or critiqued it in its effects on language n social interaction. Currently I've read as far as Chapter 2 so I think reporting in with somewhat of a response after a bit more would be logical.
Alrighty, good post. Let's hope I can stick with it. Have a lovely....morning? It is 2am after all.
--Courtney

Still on Shaky Ground

So I finally heard back, err didn't hear back from the Apple store.

For some reason my Gmail account decided to neglect me and not receive the emails from the hiring manager. After going out to lunch near the mall, I dragged Evan in with me so that I could talk to an actual person to see what's up.

Hiring manager was able to give me some feedback about my interview and that was pretty handy. Apparently I'm not up to par with my tech knowledge right now. I thought I was good enough to be put through the training but alrighty. But hooray for knowing what to fix!

Reapplying was suggested so hey I haven't exactly fallen on my face with no will to try again. I'll give it another go in a month or so, but first I'll apply to a few other places for the heck of it. Supposedly our store isn't closing for "the next three years" but I don't trust management at all. They're closing all the local stores with the exception of my store and two others. The Rancho Santa Margarita store was staying open last week and then last night at work we got calls asking about our status after some customers saw the RSM store put out a closing sign. T_T

So for now, I'm staying on the look out for new opportunities. If you know of anything, pass it my way! Next up, Trader Joe's.

College & its Alternatives

"a report based on the book Academically Adrift: Limited Learning on College Campuses found that after two years of college, 45% of students learned little to nothing. After four years, 36% of students learned almost nothing."

Just read "8 Alternatives to College", here's my thoughts......

I like that he specifies that kids from 18 - 22 should try out new things before going to college to break out of the system that has had them stuck. I understand this completely, there's alot of lazy people just coasting through their first two years.

Quick summary of Altucher's alternatives to college:

• Start a business.
• Work for a charity.
• Travel the world.
• Create art.
• Master a sport.
• Master a game.
• Write a book.
• Make people laugh.

Remember, James Altcher is focusing on "ambitious kids". So this plan might not be for everyone. We all have certain career aspirations and dreams, but those things will never happen without some perseverance.

I can see what he means, college is getting more expensive by the semester. I'm currently working part-time, living at home, and attending college as a full-time student. It's tough sometimes but luckily student loans exist and my parents were kind enough to pay for me to go to community college for 3 years. The alternatives are good options for those dying to escape the slaughter house that is currently our education system. Yea, sorry California but your college system is fucked up still. There's times when you feel like you're just another student ID number to your administration, and getting a break can be refreshing enough to make you want to go back and start/finish that degree.

College degrees are practically mandatory now, and graduating high school is a mundane achievement. In the past all you needed was that high school education. I've seen some of my parents' grade cards and they were able to take more trade focused classes that aren't offered anymore. Metal working, motorcycle safety, home economics, Foods 101, etc! None of those were offered 2003-2007 when I was in high school. And now that I'm in my fourth year of college I can see what that does.....no real world experience. Life isn't a series of SAT style tests, it takes more thought than that.

So what I think Altucher's main point is to opt for the "alternative route" which is experience. You can't mount it on your wall in a shiny placard but its valuable. Experience complements any degree, and often times it makes the difference of whether you get the job or not. So maybe one could merge Altucher's suggestions and do a bit of both?

I'll be in school for another year and a half to finish my degree. No I don't LOVE college, but neither of my parents went and I want to give them that. To make them proud, and to prove that I have a good head on my shoulders. But I also refuse to coast through it and waste the loan money I'm going to have to pay back in the end.

The real question is: is going to college worth it to you? For me it is, but hey we're all different :)

Here's the actual article: http://www.jamesaltucher.com/2011/01/8-alternatives-to-college/

My tips for making it through:

• Start out with the best grade possible, the 1st test starts you off on a high note.
  
• Raise your hand during class discussions (it's not obnoxious).
  
• Do not take the elevator, taking the stairs will get your blood flowing enough to wake up.
• PAY ATTENTION and take notes.
• Going on Facebook during class = the teacher murdering you with words.
  
• Take classes that interest you if possible (sorry nobody likes GE).
• Your teacher assigns 50 pages of reading per lecture? Do at least half of it.
• See the prize at the end, you're getting a degree for a reason. Don't forget that!
  

New Movies 2/8/11

The Romantics

Josh Duhmel, Anna Paquin, & Katie Holmes

Quick summary: Laura is the maid of honor at Lila and Tom's wedding. And unfortunately she's also Tom's ex. Their group of friends meet up for the rehearsal dinner, night before the ceremony. Over the next 12 hours they face their messy relationships and prewedding jitters.

Buy it? Personally I didn't like it enough to suggest buying it, and like most other lower budget films I doubt that you would be able to go into Target or Walmart and find it on the rack for purchase. But if you're up for a decent drama about the complicated, and sometimes overlapping relationships that some people suffer through.

Verdict: Rental!

Wild Target

Bill Nighy, Emily Blunt, & Rupert Grint

Quick summary: Victor Maynard is a professional hitman, one of the best in Europe. But when he's assigned to kill Rose, he somehow ends up becoming her security. Along the way Victor gets an apprentice (Rupert Grint) and confronts what he really wants from life--of course this is a comedy so hilarity ensues.

Buy it? I'm never one to run out the door and buy anything without seeing it first, so I recommend it as a fun rental. Loved seeing “Ron” in a new role, he’s a similar character but much more fun. The cast probably had alot of fun filming it lol especially the random birthday party stuff. Definitely check it out if you enjoy most English humor.

Verdict: Rental!

And Then Before Ya Know It..

On the way home from the orthodontist today, me and mom had a discussion about jobs. I was telling her how I'm starting to feel the passing of time and realize that I'm going to need a better job. Mainly for financial stability but also to be able to move up in that company. Any of us can hope for a new job from the old one that we have grown tired of, but getting that new job is harder than just picking one and going for it.
The economic situation that most businesses are in right now....not the best though improving. And I understand that everyone wants to stay in business or at least above water. Sadly this is putting people like me in a shit situation for job outlook.
No right now isn't exactly peak hiring season. I definitely know that but it doesn't stop me from applying and looking, asking around. My mom told me that something will come up when its meant to and hopefully it'll be a solid job.
I've interviewed at 2 places in the past week which is nice. Kind of like a false sense of progress, I've stepped out there but not really left the building. The first was at CVS and the second at South County Physical Therapy. I knew after 2 minutes of my interview at CVS that I didn't want the job. Why? These guys were robots and the workers looked like someone had sucked out their souls with a shop vac---I like people with personalities. My interview at SCPT was good but I rather not take the place of someone who is studying to work in that field. I'd feel like I was stealing their seat! No, I have no intentions of a career in physical therapy so I willing accept that I'm not the best choice. The benefits of workplace experience would be much better for a student who wants to be a PT. And that's just not me.
So basically, I'm yet to find anything that greatly interests me and would benefit me enough (to leave my current job). We'll have to wait and see what comes next. Patience.
Note: I am NOT going to work at a food place, all of those who have suggested it can shut up now. This includes restaurants and fast food places. I am not picky about jobs, because if I was then I would never have worked at Blockbuster.
Going back to me beginning to "feel the passing of time". Has anyone else noticed this? It's like I was 17 years old and graduating high school then the next thing I know, I'm in my 4th year of college? Holy crap man, its crazy to think about. Of course it all makes logical mathematical sense. As we get older, the time that goes by seems faster and faster because it starts to become a smaller fraction of time compared to our entire life. For example, as a kid the school year felt like an eternity because you were only 10 years old. Because 9 months of school was a decently large amount of time in a 10 year period. But 10 years later its not going to seem so damn long. Now I'm just rambling.
I don't know. I feel like I want more stability for future things. Mainly things like being able to pay off my student loans and pay for my phone bill by myself.....It's like the Domino Effect. Stupid Eisenhower, why did you have to come up with the Domino Effect? Yea it was a theory on the spread of communism in Southeast Asia, but I think it's more likely to be about overthinking. Helloooooo overthinking mind! I start thinking about getting a new job and the next thing you know I've made an entire outline of what I need from that job including possible promotions and a payscale estimate for the next 5 years. Goddamn. Now we're back to the "before ya know it" thing again.

Friend Classification + Ramblings on the Subject of Friendship

Most of the time I consider myself to be pretty tolerant of other people as far as friendships go. You can be obsessed with whatever artist or musician, smoke or drink, single or not. Doesn't really make a difference. To be perfectly honest, you can be an asshole or the nicest person in the world. I've been asked many times "how can you stand being friends with _______?"

"Best friends", they tend to be similar in thinking, like my friend Nura or Breanna. Both quirky and smart, we shared an interest in film and a few high school classes. Even though both are what I call "my wandering friends". This refers to the fact that both of them have traveled alot in the past few years, mainly because after graduating high school Nura who moved to Ethiopia for almost a year then detouring through Europe on her way back to California. Besides that Breanna now lives on in Monterey's Air Force base or training center, I'm not sure how they specify it there. I'm yet to visit.

Moving on here...I often lose contact with these people, and reconnect after extended gaps or do the monthly hang out session type dealio. Only through our mutual efforts do we remain friends.

My "conflict friends" are another story. These are the people that you hang out with for generally short periods of time or your brain will explode. Whether its because of their obnoxious, over-the-top personality or whining too much. Everyone has at least one or two friends like this. Usually they're just so high energy that it wears you out.

"The dumb ones", yes I said dumb. You love them but man they're just dumb sometimes. This friend is often subject to being combined with a "energizer bunny". Drinking too much or getting in trouble is funny to them. At this point in time I find that this friend gets annoying really fast because you want to tell them what you think but you don't want to be mean about it. So by avoiding voicing your opinion, you ultimately stop telling them things and become distant. I have more than a few of these and yea they get annoying after awhile but I never break off the friendship.

"Omg what happened" people. We all think it in our head but nobody will say anything out of politeness. No elaboration necessary, ten bucks says you know a few too. Suddenly falling off the map then popping up with any of these; having a kid, getting fat, large tattoos, religious obsessions, etc. There is no way to ask what happened without sounding like a complete asshole and starting a shitfest.

"Druggie friend"--No explanation needed for this fellow. He or she likes drugs, commonly the stoner in a group of friends. When they pick you up and start heading to a business center you know what's up. Roll down the windows and hope you don't get any secondhand smoke. Gross but one of the nicest people. If you run into an old classmate like this, they generally remember you and want a hug. I've never quite understood how that works since most stoners are pretty slow reacting.

All of these above people. I am friends with. ALL OF THEM. Why? Where did they come from? And I think I might have figured it out. It's not overly complicated. I didn't have a jacked up childhood and my parents never fought or divorced. Everything was great. Apparently this attracts people with the opposite experiences to me (majority). My boyfriend has said I had "the perfect childhood" compared to his experience. My brother has this too but its worse enough to call it the "trainwreck problem". If you've got problems then you'll end up talking to him about it. I think this is the big reason he likes psychology. Continuing on...

People are too picky and unforgiving of others. Its not that I put my trust in just anyone that I become "friends" with, its the effort that the other person shows. The amount of meaningful talk instead of texting. The inside jokes and understanding the others body language. Enjoyment and humor. Essentially being able to read each others' moods and tell when something is wrong. These things make a friendship.

I fear that so much of this digital age shit is starting to impact the younger generations negatively. Speaking for my own age group I know that the advent of AOL Instant Messenger and MySpace opened up a whole can of worms for the world of communication. How often do we all actually have those meaningful interactions, talking in person--not just texting? I wonder if anyone still passes notes or girls still have passbooks with their friends. I still have two passbooks in my cabinet and its hilarious to read what we thought was so important.

This upcoming generation is losing out on all of that and most likely going to suffer from alot of boredom. If I can read the complete summary of who you are on Facebook then why bother meeting you? Hanging out? What will I ask you if it answers all my questions? It seems to make actual true interaction pointless.....we'd all be on our phones anyways. Ugh.

I think that I choose to put up with just about everyone, with the exception of the people I see as unrelatable. You choose your friends. I choose my friends. But I don't think we really choose who we get along with, its more of a temperament issue and I'm the golden retriever that's happy sitting next to anyone.

Endless Job Search

To be perfectly honest, I'm tired of my job. Tired of the changing management, changing policies, and constantly being told that we're probably going out of business. The whole feeling of my work environment has gone from great to "can I kick my boss in the face now?" That's bad. Obviously nobody wants to work in a hostile work environment.

So I've been conducting a job search over the past few weeks, basically the last month. I really wish someone would just call me back or be nice enough to give an interview. A few days ago I went out and bought business slacks for that purpose haha. Thanks JC Penny for that lovely sale! But alas, buying pants for an interview doesn't mean you have an interview. Needing a job doesn't get you a job. This is the real world, and I'm tired of waiting.

All I ask for in a job is friendly people, a busy-ish work environment, and more than $8.50 per hour. Yea yea that's minimum wage, but I've been paid $8.50 for being yelled at by customers who don't want to pay that much in late fees for 15 minutes straight. Even when I worked at the CPA office in Laguna Beach, paid $8.50 for 5 times the amount of work.

I'm so impatient about it. I've applied at Target, CVS, Petsmart, Tommy Bahama, Fresh & Easy, Regal Cinemas, and the Apple Store. Everywhere! (no I don't plan to work in the food industry thanks)

Quick summary:

• 3+ years of job experience
• 6+ months professional office experience
  
• an associate's degree
• a car to get there

Seems that most places are looking for FULL TIME employees

....yea I have to go to school so that's not possible

I can do 25 hours max per week

SOMEBODY HIRE ME AHH

First Day of Spring Classes

Today was the first day of spring classes, and I'm quite proud to say that I made it to school on time even with 2 traffic jams. The usual right before the I-55 and then on the 57 past Angel Stadium where a car had broken down in the center lane.

I managed to not be late to any of my 4 classes either :]

1. Film Music
   
2. California Cultures
   
3. Intro to American Culture
   
4. Women in American Society

As usual I've found a look-alike to someone I know. If you went to high school with me you'd know him as "Paul the Freshman". Right out of the corner of my eye I spotted him, seated in the row next to me. I had to hold myself back from screaming "woahhh shit you grew a beard!" It was bizarre.

One thing that bothered me today during 2 of my classes. I noticed that I was one of only a few white girls in the classroom. The color didn't matter to me, but it was the size! I was the only non-obese white girl. Really? Out of 45 people, there were 25 girls and about a third of the girls were overweight. That just makes me sad.

We all have an inner social pyramid, and some people have it stacked up by race and others by attractiveness. I don't subscribe to either of those, but it seems that I'm very hard on overweight people. I'm not really sorry when I saw "eww gross" because everyone should dress for their body. Not just wear the same tight t-shirt that the other girls are wearing. It's unflattering and only amplifies the "omg look at me" effect. It's like when you see someone, guy or girl, wearing neon pants. You don't notice their face or what they're doing. All that registers is GUY WITH NEON PANTS. It's the same thing.

There were countless people today dressed for meeting new classmates, n some of them appeared to have gotten dressed in the dark. Honestly I don't care about the people who wear workout clothes or a college sweatshirt to class. It's comfortable and that's a big thing for me when I buy clothes--so I understand. Plus who give a crap what your classmates think if you're not even allowed to talk during class. Woohoo lecture classes make everyone a complete mystery n prone to assuming who their fellow peers are.

One more thing, err more of a question. Why in the world does every guy have to douse themselves in Axe or any other overpowering cologne? It's always seemed worse for the first week of classes. I understand trying to make a good first impression but dude, lay off on the smelly stuff. I can't handle sitting next to anyone like that, it's terribly distracting.

So, quick summary.

• finding look-alikes of people you know can be creepy.
  
• wear clothes that don't "yell" at the people around you.
• don't come to class smelling like you bathe in Axe or other cologne.
  

Getting Back Into It

I need to get back to yoga classes. But I was so frustrated last time I went by the instructor. Yea, I go to the classes at 24 Hour Fitness but still I expect a good yoga teacher as I've had many times. I need to drag a friend along with me to go the first few times so I'm accountable to having to go instead of making excuses in my head n just going back to sleep.

It's ironic that I fell off the yoga wagon after the most stressful event of my life (my mom's heart attack a few months ago). In a way it shot my motivation for doing things while it made me sit and stare at the lake for a good 2 hours. Funny how a sudden appreciation for little things makes you completely zone out n fall inwards. Even though she was fine, it still knocked me on my ass enough. At least we were on vacation, I don't think I would've handled social situations very well. I did become irritable about little things like my boyfriend's step-dad making comments to my dad about putting mayo on his sandwich. Of course my dad can stand up for himself and told him to fuck off right in front of me. Concern for myself had completely drained from my mind after those few days at the lake. As usual my focus became taking care of everyone else, the typical female job. I shutdown for the most part, just my blank face with eyes shut as I laid on the balcony swing. Listening to the crickets and the water was the closest to relaxation I'd get. My last yoga session by myself was the previous day. It was nice, with a view even. Now that I think about it, my motivation was zapped and that's what needs to be built up again.

I'm not a naturally athletic person, never have been and never will be. But as I've spoken about in previous posts, I'm now trying to spend time on doing things that are good for me whether its what I eat or working out. I need me-time sometimes, though I do enjoy taking care of the people I love. I don't enjoy being a personal reminder system or a maid, etc...blah blah blah. And so I'm looking for rewarding things for ME.

My goal for the month has been to start running, which is going well so far. I've put the headphones on and ran, not far but its the act of going for it that counts. Generally past the pool and down the trail through the neighborhood and back through the dog park to my house. Simple really. Hopefully this next month I can get myself to a yoga class too. Perhaps Sunday mornings, though the Sunday instructors are always such....they favor the beginners too much. I don't want to "stretch" my feet for five minutes. That's a waste of the hour if you ask me. I want to show up and engage myself throughout the class. Not pussy out with beginner exercises.

It would be nice to get back to the point where I can comfortably do my own routine at home. But that took awhile to do. I downloaded yoga position apps for my phone, bought a book all about the poses and working through a routine day by day. Somehow I had become obsessed with it. Most likely because I was getting me-time in a room full of people that were looking for the same thing--concentration and a peaceful hour that's all about you. Gaining flexibility and a noticeable difference in my core were the cherry on top.

Let's see if I can do this. Being that the spring school semester starts on Tuesday for me will ad a challenge. Homework on top of work, on top of goals. Winter break has been dull and full of working so I welcome back classes, lectures, and things to think about. I can manage if I really try.

Healthy

I have never been overweight, but I have this fear of becoming overweight. It's pretty ridiculous considering that never in my life have I weighed over 126lbs. I'm 5'4 and a size 4 for godsakes.

As a kid I remember feeling extremely awkward, mostly 7th - 9th grade. I was about 4'11 in 7th and of course I was in PE like everyone else. Regular physical activity. I've never been super comfortable with myself. It really didn't help that I hadn't really hit puberty whatsoever until I was almost halfway through 9th grade. Late bloomer, unlike the majority of my friends. Naturally I felt out of place and weird. That was such a strange in between period because you're lost somewhere between being a kid and a teenager. It weirds me out now to see kids that age acting like they wanna be older. Hell I didn't want to be older then, I was like "I'm going to get a what and do what once a month? wtf gross!" Being a kid sounded wayyy better. The whole body changing thing was not ok with me. Braces, sweatshirts, and short hair. Oh man, I was hot shit--not. I think that time period fucked up the way I looked at myself. The lack of attention from guys and how much prettier I thought half the girls were than me, that really didn't help. Then it was more of a "I wish I had pretty hair and no braces" as compared to now which is "I look fat ugh."

This has gotten better with age but recently I've gotten more paranoid about it. I've tried to do away with bad habits for the most part, but of course my ocd side takes over. Its like having a person sitting on your shoulder--almost like the angel and the devil that typically pops up in tv shows--but all it says is "that probably has too much fat in it, read the label" or "that's going straight to your abs!"

Last year I decided that my resolution was going to be drinking enough water to curb my snacking and also give my skin a little love. Now I've got my big Weight Watchers cup (it was my mom's) that I carry around at home n keep with me at work. I can drink 3 whole cups per day max. That sounds like nothing until you realize that it holds 32oz of water. And yes, its helped my skin a little but for the most part its eliminated any sort of "hey hey what's in the pantry" thoughts I get.

But what really made me paranoid was my parents health. First of all, my dad has type 2 diabetes. I wish he would eat better and maybe go on walks or some sort of moderate exercise. It scares me to think that the extra weight could cut anything short. It makes my eyes tear up just thinking about it. In August while on vacation, my mom had a heart attack. She was in the best shape of the past 10 years and working out with a personal trainer 3 times a week. Why? She's not old enough for that to happen. Now we know that it was caused by her being on a hormone patch for an extended amount of time. Something about weakening your blood vessels, its in the fine print on the prescription of course. You never think that kind of stuff will happen, well except for gas or mood swings. They might as well just make "shit might happen so go to the doctor" as their disclaimer.

Continuing...since both of my parents have had health problems, its given me (and I know its affected my brother as well) a sense of...warning? Not quite the word I'm looking for, maybe more of a slap in the face by reality that your health is something that you have to keep up with. So now its me trying to balance the "be healthy" thing without going overboard. I would never make myself throw up or any of that nasty eating disorder crap. But it can be a struggle to force yourself to "want" a smaller portion of a favorite food or get enough fruits and veggies. Obviously it really helped that my mom was in really good shape before her heart attack, other patients that were perhaps overweight or ill had higher risk factors of death. And as I sat on the floor--no I laid there (yea gross floor whatever)--I thought of all the scenarios of what could happen, carried all the stress in the room, swore up n down in my head. I told myself that I had to take care of myself better, because if anyone can have a heart attack like that out of the blue they better be in good shape so they can pull through. I guess its easy to phrase as, giving yourself the best chances for survival? It was a kick in the pants, nonetheless traumatic.

I refuse to "go on a diet". If I'm going to change how I'm going to eat, then its going to be an overall change. Temporary food changes just mess up the whole process. You can say that you won't drink soda anymore, but doing i can be hard when it stares you in the face at a restaurant. You don't really want the water, you want a Dr. Pepper. But hey, water is free so you make that half the reward. So far, I'm going step by step. I've mastered getting enough water. The next step is actually getting to the gym 3 times a week. Now that is a challenge.

Thank god I'm not a smoker or a heavy drinker--by the way, that's the first thing they ask you when you've had a heart attack. Heart disease from heavy drinking for the lose! The things on my health list aren't many but they're important. The hard part is sitting in front of fries and not wanting to reach for them constantly. And yes, mom is doing fine now. It's been almost 6 months since it all happened. No special "diet", just moderate exercise and low fat/low sodium like everyone should be doing.

Right now my goal isn't to lose weight, but gain muscle and tone up.

My New Years resolution this year: skin.
1) no sunburns
2) drink enough water
3) always use lotion
4) no tanning--spray tan is ok

Woops

I can't remember the last time I actually logged into my Blogger. Sorry about that--been wandering Tumblr for a few months instead. But besides that I honestly forgot that I had this site.

Well now, I should probably attempt to get back into this blogging thing but I'm not sure how its gunna go. Especially starting right before the semester starts. Oh well, let's give it a go while I'm here right?

The only thing I've got to do now is try to find something to write about. I'll be writing on Notepad for awhile before I post anything. So this is me checking in. Hello hello! I will post soon :]
--Courtney