Obsessive Compulsive 1231

"Obsessive–compulsive disorder (OCD) is a mental disorder characterized by intrusive thoughts that produce anxiety, by repetitive behaviors aimed at reducing anxiety, or by combinations of such thoughts (obsessions) and behaviors (compulsions). The symptoms of this anxiety disorder range from repetitive hand-washing and extensive hoarding to preoccupation with sexual, religious, or aggressive impulses."

I have OCD. I know I do and don't need a doctor to diagnose me. He'll just want to give me medication for it, which I do not need. I have it under control and it doesn't usually interfere with my life. My mom said that I was "so OCD" about things a few years back, so I looked into it and discovered that it described the exact way I felt. Self-diagnosis isn't appropriate for most mental disorders like depression or bipolarity. If you think you have either of those go to the doctor because they can help you. But in my case, I don't believe that I need to take medicine every day for this.

Every OCD person has certain behavioral habits, mine are typical things. Like counting how many times I touch things or having to straighten everything. Lids need to be a certain way on containers. I have to shake my soy milk and orange juice cartons before placing them back inside the fridge. I have a million little things.

Right now I'm typing a sentence and I'll probably erase half of it and re-type it again. Sometimes I do this more than once. It irritates me but I have to do it. If I don't then I feel like something bad will happen. Sometimes I try not to do my stupid OCD habits but I fail because of this:

"While some with OCD perform compulsive rituals because they inexplicably feel they must, others act compulsively so as to mitigate the anxiety that stems from particular obsessive thoughts. The sufferer might feel that these actions somehow either will prevent a dreaded event from occurring, or will push the event from their thoughts."

Picture frames must be straight, misspelled words re-typed. All light switches need to be touched 4 times. I have to click my blinker in the car twice before turning. My counting usually is "1...2...3.....1", which is essentially 4, but I stick with the number 3 for some reason. Whatever I'm fixing, I must touch it 1...2.....3.....1, if I do not touch the object the right way the n I have to do it again till it's right. I do this with all of my habitual compulsions, "1...2...3....1". This became especially irritating to me when I went to the gym to work out.

Sometimes I think that people might notice my little habits but they don't until I get frustrated and draw attention to it. Like for example when I'm PMSing it gets especially worse. I can say that more than a few times I've not been able to empty the dishwasher because I've burst into tears out of frustration. The plates weren't dry enough yet or they were too out of order that I couldn't look at them. That's my main way of trying to avoid the OCD things I do. By not looking at them. I tell myself, "turn around and walk the other way before you look like a physcopath trying to fix all the shelves at Target".

Compulsions---

"OCD sufferers are aware that their thoughts and behavior are not rational, but they feel bound to comply with them in order to fend off feelings of panic or dread."

I'm aware of it, and that's the worst part. I know I don't need to count things or touch the doorknob and the light switch at the same time. But I do it anyways because it makes me feel better. In the past my friends and boyfriend have done little things to irritate my OCD like turning my picture frames sideways or moving things around so they could watch me fix them for entertainment. Of course I had to fix these things before something bad would happen. In most cases, my anxiety tends to be based off of fear that harm would come to my family or boyfriend. Otherwise, it makes me feel tense and I have to perform the task to feel relief.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not crazy and tortured. It's bothersome at times but its not taking me away from school, social settings, or life. I know there are people out there who have this mental disorder worse than me. That sounds so bad to me, "mental disorder". Really some people find it to be a good trait. Like my boyfriend likes how I tend to randomly clean his room out of compulsion. It can be handy and annoying.

I need to stop typing now before I re-type this sentence too.....too late. See you guys later.