Contemplating More

More? Well of course by that I mean, more school.
Graduate school.

What's been on my mind ever since transferring into a four year university is "this is it? That's all? How am I done?" I've learned so much since changing my major from History to American Studies--which by the way you can look up on Wikipedia for a longer description because it pains me to be able to accurately describe something so fantastic. It's an interdisciplinary major that studies American culture in all its silly ways (though not usually silly). My focus tends to be visual expressions of culture, i.e. film-tv-music.

Perhaps it is the half of me that urges me to keep going, along with the combination of knowing what lies in store after graduation with a bachelor's degree, telling me that it's the right thing to do. But then there's the other side trying to stress me out with doubts and questions. It's become an Angel vs Devil on my shoulders battle.

Can you even get in? It's competitive. There's only twenty people accepted.

Have you seen your grades? Bam!

But there's that admission essay and you're not that interesting.

First in your family to get a college degree? That's interesting enough.

 

I guess thinking about the future is still slightly overwhelming, but I want to get in and do it. Why not? I don't have any reason to put it off for a few years. Finishing college of all sorts and then being done forever, perfect. I don't want to wake up in ten years and wish that I'd done it, so to hell with it all. I'm going to apply and hope to God that I get accepted into the program.

I've never felt like the smart kid in the class and I know that it's always been an insecurity. My academic advisor says otherwise which is a boost in my confidence. So this, in a way, is to push myself. Prove it to myself. It's going to take alot of work and just as much determination.

Now back to my reading! Books on prosthesis don't exactly read themselves.

And Then Before Ya Know It..

On the way home from the orthodontist today, me and mom had a discussion about jobs. I was telling her how I'm starting to feel the passing of time and realize that I'm going to need a better job. Mainly for financial stability but also to be able to move up in that company. Any of us can hope for a new job from the old one that we have grown tired of, but getting that new job is harder than just picking one and going for it.
The economic situation that most businesses are in right now....not the best though improving. And I understand that everyone wants to stay in business or at least above water. Sadly this is putting people like me in a shit situation for job outlook.
No right now isn't exactly peak hiring season. I definitely know that but it doesn't stop me from applying and looking, asking around. My mom told me that something will come up when its meant to and hopefully it'll be a solid job.
I've interviewed at 2 places in the past week which is nice. Kind of like a false sense of progress, I've stepped out there but not really left the building. The first was at CVS and the second at South County Physical Therapy. I knew after 2 minutes of my interview at CVS that I didn't want the job. Why? These guys were robots and the workers looked like someone had sucked out their souls with a shop vac---I like people with personalities. My interview at SCPT was good but I rather not take the place of someone who is studying to work in that field. I'd feel like I was stealing their seat! No, I have no intentions of a career in physical therapy so I willing accept that I'm not the best choice. The benefits of workplace experience would be much better for a student who wants to be a PT. And that's just not me.
So basically, I'm yet to find anything that greatly interests me and would benefit me enough (to leave my current job). We'll have to wait and see what comes next. Patience.
Note: I am NOT going to work at a food place, all of those who have suggested it can shut up now. This includes restaurants and fast food places. I am not picky about jobs, because if I was then I would never have worked at Blockbuster.
Going back to me beginning to "feel the passing of time". Has anyone else noticed this? It's like I was 17 years old and graduating high school then the next thing I know, I'm in my 4th year of college? Holy crap man, its crazy to think about. Of course it all makes logical mathematical sense. As we get older, the time that goes by seems faster and faster because it starts to become a smaller fraction of time compared to our entire life. For example, as a kid the school year felt like an eternity because you were only 10 years old. Because 9 months of school was a decently large amount of time in a 10 year period. But 10 years later its not going to seem so damn long. Now I'm just rambling.
I don't know. I feel like I want more stability for future things. Mainly things like being able to pay off my student loans and pay for my phone bill by myself.....It's like the Domino Effect. Stupid Eisenhower, why did you have to come up with the Domino Effect? Yea it was a theory on the spread of communism in Southeast Asia, but I think it's more likely to be about overthinking. Helloooooo overthinking mind! I start thinking about getting a new job and the next thing you know I've made an entire outline of what I need from that job including possible promotions and a payscale estimate for the next 5 years. Goddamn. Now we're back to the "before ya know it" thing again.