November of Doom

So here's where things get interesting, difficult. You think that they up the ante during October for undergraduate midterms, but oh no, just wait til grad school. November is a new land to conquer, with far too many books to read all at once and zombified classmates. We must get over the hump to December! Then it'll be smooth sailing, downhill....a toboggan on a slope perhaps?

I'm not going to lie and say that December won't be bumpy, but it will certainly be 3 steps down from the current intensity level.

The stair climber has been turned up and my legs are burning. I refuse to fall off, but I still strain myself. Almost there.

"Checking this item off my list makes a difference," is what I tell myself. And oh thank the baby Jesus, Monday is a holiday! No classes means more time to get things done. It's all about that catch-up game. Though it's more of a get-ahead situation--or fly by the seat of your pants towards the flu and other sorts of misery.

I will not get sick! Hand washing, working out regularly, sleeping like I'm dead. Let's all say a little prayer right now for all the students heading towards their ski jump before that wonderous downhill to safety. Please Lord, let us all make it through December without losing sanity or succumbing to plague (don't you sneeze on that table!).

By the time Christmas rolls around next month, I'll be in vacation-mode. Laying on the couch by the beautifully decorated tree, listening to Manheim Steamroller like it's nobody's business. Until then, I'll be over here buried alive in books and 3 essays within a 2 week period. Good luck everyone.

Meandering

I hate this frustrating feeling. It's so stupid to stress out so much. Stress is not something found in my natural habitat. It seems like I've managed to successfully avoid it for 90% of my life.

It only strikes me in the form of self-doubt. In this case, it's been triggered by one simple assignment. Write a scholarly review essay that considers a number of articles &/or book, write about the "state of the field." But it's not simple when you've been wired to think and write in traditional research essay form. As I look for sources I find myself wandering through it all and changing my topic ever so slightly. Then suddenly it's a completely new topic. Hello? Brain? Stop undermining me when I'm trying to be productive!

Why is picking a field and narrowing it so difficult? T_T *bangs head against wall*

Part of me is pissed off that this isn't clicking in my head, and the other half asks why I'm even in grad school. Thanks self-doubt, you're a bitch.

Back in Black

It appears that I have neglected this page for far too long. My last post was dated September of 2012 and vented my thoughts on whether or not to choose graduate school. Tomorow is graduate orientation and I will be in attendance.

So I guess you've missed a lot of the possible ranty posts and my general scribblings about life. Luckily Blogger has an app that I can use at the drop of a hat for whatever I come across. This should improve my page, though my courses may get in the way of posting in general. It'll happen, that's life. I'm better off going out and living than sitting in a corner blogging. Blogging is very much like keeping a journal, and just as easily neglected.

I'd like to keep up with myself on here if at all possible along with my workload at school. Plus my job, which is now a part-time office position with my boyfriend's parents. No more retail for me. If you're interested in gross stories and other human nastiness, I have loads of whatthefuck-type stories I could tell from working in a department store.

Anyways, I'll start off with a post inspired by Ms Raewyn Warriorqueen. 25 Before 25! I'm about halfway through it right now, so there may be a segmented blog about it later.

Off to panic about what to wear for orientation,
Courtney

Contemplating More

More? Well of course by that I mean, more school.
Graduate school.

What's been on my mind ever since transferring into a four year university is "this is it? That's all? How am I done?" I've learned so much since changing my major from History to American Studies--which by the way you can look up on Wikipedia for a longer description because it pains me to be able to accurately describe something so fantastic. It's an interdisciplinary major that studies American culture in all its silly ways (though not usually silly). My focus tends to be visual expressions of culture, i.e. film-tv-music.

Perhaps it is the half of me that urges me to keep going, along with the combination of knowing what lies in store after graduation with a bachelor's degree, telling me that it's the right thing to do. But then there's the other side trying to stress me out with doubts and questions. It's become an Angel vs Devil on my shoulders battle.

Can you even get in? It's competitive. There's only twenty people accepted.

Have you seen your grades? Bam!

But there's that admission essay and you're not that interesting.

First in your family to get a college degree? That's interesting enough.

 

I guess thinking about the future is still slightly overwhelming, but I want to get in and do it. Why not? I don't have any reason to put it off for a few years. Finishing college of all sorts and then being done forever, perfect. I don't want to wake up in ten years and wish that I'd done it, so to hell with it all. I'm going to apply and hope to God that I get accepted into the program.

I've never felt like the smart kid in the class and I know that it's always been an insecurity. My academic advisor says otherwise which is a boost in my confidence. So this, in a way, is to push myself. Prove it to myself. It's going to take alot of work and just as much determination.

Now back to my reading! Books on prosthesis don't exactly read themselves.