Contemplating More

More? Well of course by that I mean, more school.
Graduate school.

What's been on my mind ever since transferring into a four year university is "this is it? That's all? How am I done?" I've learned so much since changing my major from History to American Studies--which by the way you can look up on Wikipedia for a longer description because it pains me to be able to accurately describe something so fantastic. It's an interdisciplinary major that studies American culture in all its silly ways (though not usually silly). My focus tends to be visual expressions of culture, i.e. film-tv-music.

Perhaps it is the half of me that urges me to keep going, along with the combination of knowing what lies in store after graduation with a bachelor's degree, telling me that it's the right thing to do. But then there's the other side trying to stress me out with doubts and questions. It's become an Angel vs Devil on my shoulders battle.

Can you even get in? It's competitive. There's only twenty people accepted.

Have you seen your grades? Bam!

But there's that admission essay and you're not that interesting.

First in your family to get a college degree? That's interesting enough.

 

I guess thinking about the future is still slightly overwhelming, but I want to get in and do it. Why not? I don't have any reason to put it off for a few years. Finishing college of all sorts and then being done forever, perfect. I don't want to wake up in ten years and wish that I'd done it, so to hell with it all. I'm going to apply and hope to God that I get accepted into the program.

I've never felt like the smart kid in the class and I know that it's always been an insecurity. My academic advisor says otherwise which is a boost in my confidence. So this, in a way, is to push myself. Prove it to myself. It's going to take alot of work and just as much determination.

Now back to my reading! Books on prosthesis don't exactly read themselves.

Summons

Today was my first day ever attending jury duty...well jury summons. I know its not exactly the same thing. Jury "duty" would indicate I'm on an actual case, which luckily I'm not.

Sitting in a room of 600 people is strange. There's so many people yet everything still manages to look the same. Everything looked gray to me, maybe it was my crappy vision. Old white-haired women sitting in groups of 2 or 3. Middle aged business man looking at a newspaper. Me, sitting alone to avoid any human contact with strangers. I didn't want to talk to anyone. Why? Though the woman staring at me looked semi-friendly, she was past 60 and I have nothing to say to her but "Geez I'm barely awake" or "Do you know where the bathroom is?"

I was "summoned" to report to building 30 of the Superior Court of Orange County in Santa Ana at 7:45am. I'm not functional at that hour. Pretty sure half the people there were sleep walking just like me. My GPS got me there, I parked my car at the lot closest to the entrance and walked to the elevator. Got to the right floor...sat down...started playing Virus Buster on my mom's Nintendo DS (yea it's my mom's lol).

Of course I have the luck to be "randomly selected" for a case on some top floor court room with 75 other people. I was told "oh yeaa, you'll just sit there all day and probably never be called" BULLSHIT, this was the first "random" selection of the day. 75 out of 600 chances, FML. By now it's almost 11am, the sun is all the way up and I'm awake but feeling awful. I didn't eat breakfast because I'm never hungry when I'm dead asleep at 6am....oh and I'm low on iron right now so I feel dizzy.

Feeling sick, nervous, cramped, and bored out of my mind for nearly 3 hours. Unpleasant? Very. I didn't even have time to go to the bathroom. I wasn't a happy camper. I felt like I was either throw up or have an anxiety attack.

Luckily since I'm a full-time student and classes begin on Monday I was unable to be on the jury for the criminal case. I don't think I would be comfortable being on a criminal case anyways. Why can't all the old ladies in the waiting area just be the jury instead? They seem genuinely interested in being there unlike myself....and all the other students that wasted time and gas to report in (only to be disqualified).

"I hate that I couldn't bring in my knitting needles!"
"Why don't they let you bring those while we wait to be called?"
"They're considered a weapon"
"Ohhhh..."

My dad said I had to call him whenever I got to the courthouse and when I left, for safety reasons. So I got to go out to lunch with him once I was done by 12:30....not a bad way to end that miserable process if I do say so myself. June 2010 I'll be called in again, hopefully not for a real case. Maybe I'll give them answers they don't wanna hear and get out of it. Orrrr I could pretend to be a crazy racist or mute. I think I'll go with mute.